Full Moon Transformation: women’s animals

Full Moon Transformation…..

I grew up in a culture with a father and teachers- in a community that was frightened of women’s animals. By animal I mean the primal, ferocious, raw, screaming, clawing, chaotic aspect of the feminine. The feminine that will not be silenced, orderly, rule-following, and will stand sexy and powerful on her own. This is not to call all of these people out as bad or wrong- they are in a long line of patterned patriarchs who gain security through being around “safe” women. After all, a woman’s animal is ferocious, unpredictable- and that can be intimidating (and undermine current “way things are”).

But, and here’s the thing, we women (all of us really) need our animals. It’s our primal instinct, that part of us that defends our sense of worth, individuality and power until the end. Not power over others, yet power birthed from standing in a healthy sense of self: the power of being a beloved, worthwhile child of God. It can be said that a person who knows their power in this way can never be a slave of anyone or any thing. 

Ini and I have been fighting for days. It seems this full moon has brought even another layer out of the subconscious stew, revealing more and more growth, transformation, learning. Our animals have been beckoning each other. Claw, talon, tail whip, verbal slash- we’ve been “in it”. I am grateful for this heightening; I’ve come to fully know my animal. I have a deep feeling I’ve needed to let it out, to test it, to know if someone else whom I’ve put deep trust in cold hold it. And he can.

This type of relational transformation, this carving out and testing has helped to whole (heal) me. It’s given me more self possession. It shows me that perhaps I don’t have to let my animal out every time now that I know it’s there. Through this I’ve come to know my animal more, and like the person who knows their boundary and doesn’t need to scream it to be heard, I can speak it and so it is.

Culturally speaking, in the lineage of generations of patriarchy, we all need to bring in this ability to hold an empowered feminine. This is the work of people with male, female and whatever bodies, not solely of a feminist movement. Yes, it is scary, both on a personal and collective level to allow this level of animal in- but we must do it to move from a level of suppression (of creativity, individuality, universally empowered and free humanity) to one of full-life. 

This may be one of our greatest cultural taboos- the fear of strong women. Generations of patriarchy have indoctrinated and carefully trained women how to dance with power in subversive and behind-the-scenes ways. Women hold power, it’s just usually handed over on the surface- and they follow this route for their own safety and success. Yet for us to evolve in the necessary ways, straightforward demonstrations of feminine and masculine desire, attainment, sexuality/passion, and strong self-hood must come in- one animal at a time.

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earth-child-woman-lover

I am not Navaho. Duh, anyone can see that. I am white. And what is my inheritance? Is it being able to read the wind in the trees? Knowing I sprung from the earth like so many mushrooms?

My plight is not the plight of so many Navahos today. Rich dad poor dad, learn the rules of the game. How to win. From birth, given the rich white mindset of entitlement, of the oppressor. I am given inherent privilege that cannot be won, lost or stolen and taught independence and one up manship. My inheritance says, Always go into business alone. You can’t trust people. Those streets aren’t safe. It isn’t safe to be a woman. God only thinks its cool if men lead and speak in church, and are heads of the households. Those people are poor because they are lazy.

And, to top off all of these shenanigans, This is just the way all these things are.

But I want the inheritance of understanding the wind, reading a rock, presence, intimacy with the external world instead of domination over it. The wind in my hair, the earth in my toes, my heart open, understanding of oneness. I do not want to be Navaho, but I do want to be earth-child-woman-lover.

So I went out and got myself a turtle rainbow family. I learned to trust people and absorbed the old wisdoms that people who live close to the earth and store potatoes know.

Now I am earth bridge spirit walker. Like all of us could be, sprung from this same earth like so many mushrooms. Human at last. My inheritance formidable.

i can’t see it any other way; presence in the face of patriarchy

i know intimately the pain of my previous journey,
being raised within the walls of that house in the suburbs

everywhere the buzz of modern appliance
outside at all hours a lawn mower
reinstating the call of grass monopoly monoculture

a purist’s vision in the suburbs
the call and response of control
domination, lording over nature

“the earth is yours and everything in it”
hand in hand with the Christian Mainstream Liberation Front

From pursuit to control
the fear of life force energy affronting
the god of security,

at the hull
listen for man’s beckon call & demand

it’s no wonder i craved and ached inside these 4 walls,
a child stricken from within with what i would call the ache of modern illness

the insistence of man’s righthood about everything

but people been living here for thousands of years, millions perhaps
and now we’ve refined our control tendencies

you wouldn’t even know nature existed unless we made spaces for it,
parks and sanctuaries
limited to their 1/2 acre, 20 acre plot of land

and isn’t this the American dream? the dream of modern man?
no, nature’s been subjugated under the fearful gaze of men

who werent loved as children
who then hated themselves and had no love for anyone else
who needed to be mothered until death by caring silenced slave wives

the patriarchy is dying but it’s not dead yet
try to tell me differently and i see that you’re a part of the problem

witches’ medicine & the allopathic brotherhood

herstory .. how did medical profession get to be the way it is nowadays. 

last night i was doing research & came across the most ugly MDs with nary an open vesicle in their minds for other methods of training or healing. as a culture, we know the history very well. for those of us raised in the church, we know the fear of witches & irrational magic very well. 

i first read this little book (posted below) by Barbara Ehrenreich back in college. as i stumbled on these ugly champions of science last night (if you want the link, it is here: http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/naturopathic-medicine-week-2013/), i have to wonder: why the hateful vigilance, the namecalling, the horrible closemindedness & shutting down?…

mainstream medicine dominates the cultural consciousness. if someone says I’m going to the doctor; most will think of an MD. and why, with this suppressed herstory uncovered, we can understand more of the path we’ve culturally taken to get where we are today. 

but there is a need for change. most are dissatisfied with the medical profession in some way. i am not bashing it totally; certainly it has its life-saving tendencies as well! but for prevention-based medicine; healing instead of fixing or taking the magic pill cure (with all of its side effects), the current medical paradigm is a long way off. 

i have just begun to connect the dots, really. as i look at the options to join an existing body of health practitioners (like the NDs), be an herbalist or have some other self-created offering, i see how psychically everything is controlled by the mainstream media influence. i see this as something to understand and to face instead of cowering or throwing in the towel. but i have to understand it better to be able to stand against it. because it has a plan; it’s been here for a while and it has “won” over the years through shaming others who would try to practice, causing fear in the populace and creating a “god” out of science. 

i have laid in crystal beds that did me more good than anything else at the time- this isn’t scientifically proven yet, but i don’t need a study to tell me what i feel. i take herbs for rejuvenation, prevention and to supplement by body in specific ways. i do not want to take a pill every day of my life for my hormone imbalance, and i’m still trying to find a natural remedy that works for this. the mainstream medicine needs to open its head and its heart (great article on how this is happening:http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/09/18/medicines-search-for-meaning/?_r=0). the customers, in the end, will determine which ways the industry flows. and, based on the current flow, we can see the NDs, holistic medicine, alternative healthcare practitioners, etc are on the rise. people are looking for alternatives to the game of allopathic medicine. they are looking to truly heal, to be cared for, heard and given a multitude of options without tons of side effects. that’s good news. 

here’s more of herstory!

overview of the book:
https://www.marxists.org/subject/women/authors/ehrenreich-barbara/witches.htm

great pdf collection, including the book & others: 
http://muse.jhu.edu/books/9781558616905

the mood for today: a soft breeze at the back door

If you could paint your current mood onto a canvas, what would that painting look like? What would it depict?

a soft breeze enters through the back door. you’ve been outside all day & the skin of your soles is covered with dirt. it is black and the hairs on your ankles are covered with dirt too after getting sweaty and attracting particulates that’ve gotten stuck. the gentle breeze caresses your chin; you feel its smooth demeanor on your lips. this wind feels like a kiss. and you, with your black-bottomed feet, hairy ankles and wind-kissed lips are a girl who does not shave, you are a person who believes in dirt, you are a person making love with life, a person who lets life have its way with you. you can have this mood any time that you want. you are alive & present to the earth. you are the earth & you know this in your bones, feel it coursing through your veins, celebrate it with your mind & heart. you are a child of the earth and your every cell knows this as true.

Healing Prayer for our World

my lover & i were sitting outside this morning. before that i sat in the garden by myself a bit. it was so lovely, after a night of intense firework displays (i wore ear plugs the entire time, amazed at the war-like quality of our celebration; a nation founded on war, no?), to sit in _space_, reflecting on the thoughts and attendant feelings that came & went. i feel fully in my life in this time of transition. at other times a feeling of i should do this or that comes upon me. i feel pulled places. this morning i knew i was centered and knew that the thoughts i was thinking, the space i was in (literally) was exactly where i needed to be. the thoughts and feelings i was having were absolutely the thoughts & feelings i needed to guide and direct me on my course. such self-trust! i am thankful for moments like this that feel like a break in the clouds.

as my lover and i were sitting after doing some yoga in the sweetly penetrating morning sun, we started talking about healing as we’ve both been focusing lately on understanding our paths and work in relation healing in this lifetime. he brought up the two greek figures, the two divinities, hygenia and asclepius, who have greatly influenced the foundations of our current medicines. he got this from andrew weil’s book Spontaneous Healing. hygenia represents the innate natural healing that happens from within. she is prevention and cleanliness; she is the daily taking care. she is utilizing and honoring our body/soul/spirit natural bent toward healing. she is utilizing the forces within to heal themselves, to tap into that to carry on the healing process from within to without. asclepius, the greek god who holds the staff, is the foundation of our western medicine: treatment after something has already gone on, external remedy for “fixing” what ails you. the two go hand in hand, and sometimes one is needed more than the other. and just as it should be; they keep each other balanced. but, as is so often the case, sometimes systems of complementary forces get out of balance and our culture has nearly forgotten the hygenia system of healing in place of the “get sick and we’ll fix it later”, very scientific and research-based system of allopathic medicine. hardly preventative in training, doctors from this tradition are taught emergency medicine, medicine of the pill which can cure anything, surely, devised and researched upon in labs and on people all over the world– side effects may vary.

this came out this morning because i was asking for some feedback from ini. he said, you focus on therapy which creates space for other people’s process and allows them to come to their own healing. being with you is inherently therapeutic. it’s an inherent gift that you have to bring natural healing up from the depths within other people, manifested outwardly.  i was really touched by ini’s words, and he and others have said variations of them before. encouragement toward who i inherently am so strengthens those inherent gifts. it’s such a gift that he gives me in reflecting back to me my inherent gifts! it strengthens them and helps me clarify them, so i know better how i touch others and how i offer that. it helps me know better how i serve and, in doing that, i can better approach situations.

it also teaches me that if i am inherently placed with this gift there is nothing that i need to “do” per-say. i already am that. (and what i already am is actually such a beautiful surprise and gift to myself and i naturally love to share that! – does that make sense?) it’s in stark contrast to the “outside culture” which challenges me and us to “go, be, do”, “challenge”, “get better”, “be more; be better” coming from a place of lack, of improvement of, you weren’t good enough from the beginning- make something of yourself! this way says, you are already “good enough”, in fact you have a ton of gifts to offer that already exist inside you- the fun part of the work is uncovering & developing those gifts and learning how to share them. what fun!

i feel thankful that i am getting a glimpse of this relaxing into my inherent nature which is a gift to myself and my world. it’s such a gift to me to relax into my being just as i am and find that it is not only good enough- it is great! and more than enough to help myself my world, which is exactly what i want to do.

it reminds me of an article i read yesterday by Roslyne Sophia Breillat © 2008 (emphasis mine) (read whole article here):

It is important for her to learn that her body and her life are not something to be” fixed” or “improved.” These intellectual male strategies will not serve her precious healing. She does not need to be told that she must heal within a certain time or as others think she should heal. This will only diminish her power, dishonour her wisdom and weaken her strength.

It is important for her to stay away from those who advise her with words and phrases such as “must,” “should,” “can,” “can’t,” “have to.” For she is ever so slowly and ever so gently learning the sacred arts and sacred acts of surrender and acceptance. True healing arises from the vast mystery of a timeless place, as true love arises from the vast mystery of a timeless place. It has no agenda, no structure, no fixture, no demands. 

If healing is to happen, it will happen gently and sweetly and powerfully in alignment with love, with inner stillness, with the innate intelligence of the body. It will happen with the natural flow of Mother Earth and her affinity with the feminine psyche. She will gradually find treasure within. She will slowly awaken to her true nature. She will find the wondrous gift of giving to herself, her being, her spirit. And love, joy and vitality will again flow through her veins. 

She will learn to live in the world, but not of it. She will learn to connect with and give to others from a right place within, a very real place. She will give of herself, of her being, but only when she is also giving to herself. She will give of her essence as she has never given before. 

And there will be no force, no momentum, no shoulds, no shouldn’ts in her gift of giving. As her body heals she will learn not to do anything that depletes her precious energy resources, her precious strength. She will learn to avoid anyone who drains her life force through psychically feeding upon her power. 

 

What a powerful quote! The whole article is worth a read. I think after reading this yesterday it set some deep ancient thing further in motion in me. I felt as though I had not only heart the words, but they had somehow become a part of my cells and started reproducing and breathing the ethos of this into existence. I started to live what I read without any effort. What magic! Much Gratitude!

May all people of all genders & sexes feel this freedom to be themselves and arise from within themselves to have space to share their unique gifts and talents in further healing. That’s my prayer for our world!

Respect is a Yes! beforehand

lately i’ve been searching the web to uncover more about what it means to be an herbalisti’ve been watching youtube videos, reading articles, looking at schools and perusing mentor profiles and specialties to see what’s out there. if you know me at all, you know i love plants! and i am enamored with the healing potential of plants in their relationship with humans. i’ve been pursuing this path (even unknowingly) for the last 5 years. as i am searching the web, of course i stumble upon the wise woman university website and start perusing the mentor offerings.

i follow my intuition in life; that mysterious inner guiding principle available to us all trusting that it will take me where i need to go. growing it stronger through practice. today i felt attracted to one woman’s offerings so i started to read her poetry. this one in particular touched me (found here),

“DID SHE SAY YES?

And did you ask her permission
As you poured thick slabs of concrete
Upon her fertile belly, kissed by the sun for aeons?
And did she answer, “Yes, of course I don’t mind, do as you will”

And did you ask, “May I?”
As you ripped ancient trees from her deep forests
Tearing their roots from her abundant womb
Where they long gathered sustenance from her underworld realm

And did you ask, “Is it alright if we pollute your sparkling rivers,
The flowing veins shining between your loins?”
And did she answer, “Yes, go ahead, I don’t care
I don’t need them”

And did you ask her permission
To trespass upon this sacred home of your belonging
Your beloved Earth
Who gives you so much?

And did you say, “Thank you!”
Falling to your knees in gratitude
Upon her verdant grass,
Her rich moist soil?

And did you say, “Sorry!”
For all you have taken
From this Mother Earth
Whose loving strength is your support?

And did you ask so gently
If you could touch her body,
The body of the Earth
In this way?

And did she open, yielding so softly, so sweetly to your axes,
Your bulldozers, your chainsaws, your bombs?
And did she surrender generously, without choice or complaint
To your greed, your plunder, your ignorance, your force?

And did she say, “Yes!””

~Roslyne Sophia Breillat © 2010


i see so much environmental disrespect as i travel through life. all of this that she brings up, i have seen. i have seen this happen to women’s bodies, too. i have felt the repercussions of this entitlement toward exploitation, toward possession: this thing is here for me, i should take it no matter the cost.

consent is an oft-used word these days. consent is an enthusiastic YES! in sex & relationship in the place of silence, or even at times NO! consent is changing how people communicate about sexuality & sharing themselves; how they relate to one another. i hope we can extend this conversation about consent to our relationship with our Mother Earth for we’ve been taking advantage of her body far too long without asking her first- is it okay if i take this from here? is it okay if i build this here? she is a living entity and deserves the same respect people do. time for a huge #paradigm shift.