evolution and our part in it: a dream & reflection

woke up last night as i slept out in open air, grateful for another night to be sleeping there, so raw and pure beneath the stars. what has started as a temporary travel has morphed into this life style that i love … not sure if i could sleep as comfortably inside of doors anymore .. at least for now..

when i awoke, wow it’s only 11:45PM, it’s not even tomorrow yet! i was invigorated with thought streams i’d like to share from the following dream line…

“we evolved around my footsteps for a while”

They are Shooting film, there are footprints in the sand…
As an actress/explorer finds out certain truths, she says as if impersonally, “we evolved around my footsteps for a while.” We witness.

~~~~~~~~~~

Each of us is , at times, pushing the edge of our collective envelope and as we do so, in our own ways, the collective can witness us and so evolve.

There are many of us from arts and sciences, the humanities, agriculture, healing modalities, etc who are pushing the edge of this envelope. We each do our part for evolvement is not limited to any genre. Therefore we understand we work together something like a family unit, each with our individual roles that help move us along.

What we do, then, is ultimately for the collective, that our species can evolve.

That’s one facet of our mission here.

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dreaming in the warehouse, my mother’s strength

post inspiration via daily post


 

you are there, mom. the room is huge & cavernous. we are a in a warehouse & as soon as the dream starts i know that i have been there before, in these circumstances. it reminds me of the huge carved-out warehouses i played soccer in during my youth. the metal curvy side-walls, the football field sized floor stretching from one end to the other. cavernous.

only this time, people aren’t running around chasing a ball. the warehouse is sparse & suddenly a lion jumps in from the forest outside. chased by a puma / leopard. followed by a lumbering bear. at first the animals are focused on each other. their huge, powerful bodies collide with one another in fighting dances. my mother & i and a handful of other people crowd to the corners as the predators bat one another with huge claws & snarl and snap their sharp teeth. the bear’s roar echos through the warehouse and my whole body shakes with the thunder of its reverberations.

i am so scared. i inch along the walls trying not to be seen. for some reason, i have to stay in this warehouse and keep moving around while i am within it. i feel watched by the predators as i move. my body now palpably shakes as i edge around the perimeter. my breath is short & i feel sick to my stomach.

there are hyenas now, taunting & mocking us humans in the room. they are laughing at us & the bear, with one strong paw, swipes their laughing faces across the room. i lose the breath from within me & i am overtaken by nervousness. these are powerful creatures and i am probably going to get eaten.

and then, as i am edging around nervously, afraid to be seen, i am faced with the most curious aspect of all. suddenly i am seated behind my mother who is sitting cross legged like an astute yogi only 3 feet from a seated lioness. they are looking one another in the eye. my mother says nothing as she and the lion are rapt in shared gaze. from this, her silent example, i intuit that even if i am afraid, to survive this wild warehouse experience, i must reveal no sign of my fear.

like the good yogini she is, my mother looks as if she is unbothered, unfazed in the face of the lion. she is as powerful as these predators, i think. and they have nothing on her as she squarely faces them, unafrai. i am still trembling, but i admire my mother sitting there regally & triumphantly.


 

a few days later i tell my mom about the dream. she listens fascinated as the dream unfolds. as i finish she says, “wow, i consider it a compliment that you think of me as that confident.”

is it the tigers, lions, bears & jesting hyenas that demand my fearful response? or is it, is life’s stage, as the dream appears, an illusory mirror dictated by and responding to my behavior toward it?


 

soon after, the animals jump out of the windows back into the woods. i see them tackling one another ferociously, careening past trees and into the hollers. i feel so relieved that these powerful beasts are now playing with one another again. i sink back into my body & breathe a sigh of relief. i am safe again, unscathed. alive to live another day.

freestyle envisioning, homesteading 1234

i want a place to plant perennials. herbs. i want herbs all over the place- except not where they’re not supposed to be, like growing in the vegetable places. trees, a place to hear the sound of wind in the trees & sit in the shade. a stream, a stream to feel fresh cool clean water flow by me. water i can use on the plants. water we can filter and drink. a straw bale home with curves & nooks, built organically as if out of our palm, the shape of a palm or a kidney. maybe parts underground. a goat. 2 goats. 3 goats & birds. chirping wild. clucking, digging at soil, domestic layers. fresh eggs. maybe a pond. swims & filtering plants to keep it clean & water plants to keep it beautiful & filter the local pond ecosystem. water catchment for rain & greywater for plants. vermiculture for feeding worms our scraps & making compost. compost. mounds and mounds of compost. chickens scratching & sunlight filtering in. hard work. hard hard work that probably makes us question what we’ve gotten into. then elation. then elation & hard work mixed that makes us remember what it is to be alive. to try. to be & possibly to fail, but to get up again.

for the stuff that is in is is the same stuff that is in the stars. and the same force that is in us is the same force which causes the seasons to run. the same force which fuels the sun. the same abundant energy of the cosmos redirected through our hands, fueled from our hearts & wishes & strongest emotions fueled into action. into honed vision, shot like an arrow from the centers of our manifesting minds into the heart of the land. into taking a stand. creating the best version of our selves that we can. hope against hope. fresh breaths keeping us going. we’re stepping into the unknowing. failure was never so possible, neither was completely everything-we-ever-wanted.

in the land of home: two graces

Tonight Ini & I had a heart council. New Moon in Taurus. Time of earthy, grounded, materialistic beginnings. We follow in the tradition we learned at OUR ecovillage by a teacher from the Ojai Foundation. It opens us up, lets more mystery into our conscious awareness, usually heals & clarifies. Tonight we did it in the bath. Bright blue skies transform after the rain. The grass is bright green. The sun sets casting a mysterious hue.

We hold a talking piece in our hands throughout the council. It signifies, this is my turn to talk. Tonight we used a big chunk of citrine. Inherent in heart council is speaking from the heart as well as not planning what you’re going to say before the talking piece comes to you. This way container truths are able to rise organically, informed from one person to the next. And how easy is it to truly listen when we know what we are going to say? In this way, council encourages the inherent value of each person’s wisdom in the moment. As I said, magical, simple & profound truths can come from this.

 

read the rest here at rainbowbridgetotheheart.com.

dominating dreamers & the caring contingent: the right to dream

today, as ini and i sat on the mound in the backyard, i realized that i felt a certain level of lack-of-rights in my life. due to upbringing & internalized assumptions & even spiritual belief-systems which i had chosen to take on at various times in my life, i didn’t feel a right to anything. as i sat there and thought about myself and heard ini reflect attributes of my character back to me i had a realization: 

i am a healing force in the world. sure, i have it within me to be chaotic or even destructive, but i don’t choose this as a manner of course. i choose my character to be one of healing, seeking to choose the wise path, chaos within healing perspective, having a wide perspective, caring & nurturing, standing up for the downtrodden without voices (whether person, vegetable, mineral, fungal, waterway, forest, animal, etc). i have been looking at my assumptions about whether or not i have a right to dream (and where a belief comes from that i don’t have a right to dream), create and enact on my dreams. whether my dreams are worthy or that i am a deserving dreamer. i have found that within there is a fear of acting on dreams, of taking a stand, of acting toward my highest callings and deep-seeded dreams. why this i (i have a few ideas) is getting more clear and with awareness it’s also becoming clearer on how to step forward out of this old-belief into greater expression, self confidence, embodiment (breathe!), and action towards dream-manifestation. yet here’s the realization:

i am not a dominator type. if anything, i’ve needed to grow boundaries for my naturally care-taking, nurturing, one-ness based empathetic character. i dream for the collective. i work with a transpersonal vision. and yet i feel a lack of entitlement to dream, to envision and to act on my dreams. while many in the world who have smaller visions which are damaging to ecosystems, indigenous peoples, and nearly totally focused on a monetary-economy feel a complete right to dream, envision and manifest their desires into reality.

this was a big one for me to piece together into such simple wording earlier. why is it that dominator culture inherently feels the right to take advantage of and even exploit other people (and ecosystems), while i question my right as a caring & respectful human being to manifest my dreams in reality? this is a laughable concept for the books!

Choosing Dreams

i wrote this over a year and a half ago on a solo bike trip up and down the NW coast.. still rings so true today! living out dreams one step at a time ❤

wren

When I finally learned in this lifetime the level of my greatness…

Now, on a hill in Portland near amanita muscaria

…That it is on par with the great leaders I’ve come across already in this lifetime
They are many and in my dancing with them I have been empowered, drawn mysteriously, intimidated, challenged, fucked, loved, inspired, healed, helped, recognized, seen

These are my mirrors, simultaneously lovable, intimidating- yet, if fear is turned on its side, it is seen as a fire and fire Kindles, fire sparks, fire burns away all that isn’t fire until only fire remains

Fire is a catalyzing agent, fire gets things moving, some people can walk calmly on coals, yet most jump at fire

Fire burns and the wind which brings fire is spirit, Divine Inspiration in its truest form

In choosing to accept these mirrors, the fire turns from in-timidation to empowerment. In seeing…

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