due to the nature of my gypsy life over the past many years, i lack a sense of place. i am rootless, and although it is my desire to eventually root, this is where i am at currently. this means that i get to meet diverse and unique people all over, that my scope on the human community has widened, and that i personally have grown much through witnessing and experiencing so many different things. yet this also means that because i am always moving on, i don’t have the chance to see the same people every day. i move on and other people move on. we keep a semblance of “knowingness”, but there isn’t the time-tested, experiential friendship-through-time-&-space that establishes familiarity over time. in one regard, i want to share myself, yet when i do so through mediums such as facebook, i end up feeling acutely aware that so many from so many stations in my past are peering into what i have written. hardly anyone comments on these writings, but many look into them. this leaves me with a sense of oftentimes still not feeling familiar– of Who Knows? Not Me! because i have a variety of friends from all over that represent different parts of myself and my concept of not-myself, i feel somewhat disconnected. but, i want to change this internal perception that i have and i want to do it through a series of writings titled early memoirs: letting myself out of the box.
you see, i don’t exist within a box. or at least i try not to. it’s kind of like, when the world began the world was formless & void and gods and goddesses spoke into existence everything that is. cultural presumptions are kind of like this- they create ideas about “the way things are” from the formless void of chaos. for example, when a child is born we ask, what is it? a boy or a girl? and per history, on into the life the child’s likes and dislikes and culturally appropriate behavior is dictated by the genitalia. what if the child has a penis, but isn’t attracted to all of the things “boys should like”? or likewise, what if the person is a girl and likes things that are more characteristically “boy”? in my series, one thing i am coming out of the box about is the box of gender. i don’t feel like a boy or a girl. biologically i am a female, yet, to use the idea of my friend dan, i am a wren. i don’t fit stereotypes of gender and don’t want to be boxed in. yet as the gods and goddesses of culture have spoken “what is” gender-wise into existence, there exist two boxes in the large cultural mind… it is these boxes i want to come out of and into my essential being. to know myself as this and to express this, to make space for myself (and possibly for others who feel similarly). for you see, it is in writing things that we make space in our cultural story. consider then that these writings will be thoughtful disclosures. many of my friends understand these parts of me, but i still feel boxed in. so also consider this me breaking through lingering entanglements, like in this osho zen tarot deck card called breakthrough:
it takes courage for me to do this. so it will be an exercise in me telling it like it is, in being fearless & in self-love. it also feels like me destroying the box for myself (and possibly others). opening the gate of the box and then, as i do so through my words, the box implodes. i realize boxes exist in someone’s mind, perhaps in the cultural mind, but consider this me destroying them in my own mind.
this will be a series of posts i will create about the following topics (not necessarily in this order, or these specific topics – these are primary ideas so don’t get attached to them):
~life on earth/ mission
~life on other planets/ connection
~”woo-woo” metaphysical stuff
~others i haven’t thought of yet
it’s my goal to have fun while writing these. to test my boundaries of comfort- to become aware of them and perhaps in some cases to share beyond them. i don’t consider anything about myself incriminating, but i am still shy in revealing myself in some ways, so this will be a challenge, as stated before. to be concise, honest, clear & informative. it’s also my way of sharing what i have learned throughout my life- the things i have learned and experienced in my travels (whether traveling inside of myself or physically). I’m excited to write about a lot of these subjects because I clearly have a passion in many of these areas. My goal is also not to limit or restrict my thinking/writing and also not to say things because I think that’s what people will want to hear. It is my goal to write clearly about the subject in the manner I would like to write and to not write for anyone else. I don’t know the time frame of this work or even if I will write about all of the subjects listed above. But I think it will be a fun and liberating exercise and it’s my hope that as the woman in the card is pictured above, I will feel a sense of release, expansion, power and freedom in this expression, and that, gratefully, I can also make space in the cultural mind-scape. It’s also my hope that in this writing, I’ll channel a sense of Being Loud & Unapologetic about who i am, in all my ever-changing facets!
You can follow my blog by clicking the follow button if you’re a wordpress user or inserting your email address in the sidebar (at which point you’ll receive emails when I post– this can always be edited later if you no longer wish to, so just communicate with me). It’s also my hope that people will follow along, comment, ask questions, share their story and generally discuss the subject material. For it’s my belief that I may just be one person, but I am a part of a culture of which many of us are a part in some way- therefore, we face similarities in our dialogue with our lives. I’m interested in hearing your story, too, so please feel free to share if you feel so inspired. Thanks for listening and expect the first post tomorrow (Monday) at some point.
See you then! ❤ wren
Edit: Here’s the page bringing together all of the articles contributing to the Letting Myself Out of the Box Series.